Wedding of Anna and Owen

You need to click on the bullets and when the speaking stops – obviously!

[Slide 1]

[after sound of applause]

[Slide 2 -Marbella]

May I first of all welcome you to this gathering of the clans.

I’m pleased to say that you have been personally selected to be part of this amazing timeshare offer in Marbella!

Um ... err … sorry wrong audience.

[Shuffle papers until ‘right’ one is ‘found’]

This is one opportunity I have to embarrass my favourite - and only – daughter – oh Dad, how could you? Very easily, as you’ll see. So Owen be warned!

[Slide 3 Angry Anna]

Tantrums seemed to be a feature of the early years – in common with most children, with which we as new parents, had to cope.

[Slide 4 Assertive Anna]

She knew what she wanted, and was out to get it.

[Slide 5 A & nun]

“Let us go to the house of the LORD.” Anna was born in Coventry, and spent her first two years at a house next to the Cathedral. I worked with many people of different backgrounds, ages and nationalities

[Slide 6 Anna grew and grew]

Anna grew and grew: and soon towered over her brother Tom – in defiant pose - and cousins Louise and Steven

[Slide 7 Actress Anna]

At the age of 11, Anna was one of two chosen to play Eliza Dolittle in the school production of ‘My Fair Lady’. My little girl had complete control of the stage – and her Dad’s emotions

[Slide 8 Adolescent Anna]

She passed through this phase relatively unharmed and unblemished!

[Slide 9 Achieving Anna]

The height of her political career was meeting John Major to receive her child of Achievement award for raising money for my palatial residence - the Royal Hospital

[Slide 10 Annamation]

The friendship of the two Annas and Susannah has been a dynamic one – creating, as they have, an amazing storytelling company. Many of you have seen this impressive trio in action.

For those who haven’t, you are missing something!

[Slide 11 Prospective Suitors for my Daughter Anna]

Just when you thought it was safe to --- well I have something to embarrass Owen.
Before I’d ever met O-O-B, or O-L-O I sent him the following:-

• A) What are your interests?

• Music (listening to and making), socialising, meeting people, reading, geeky board games (that scare Anna), sport: football and cricket

• B) Do you share Anna's love of the Lord; her sense of humour and outlook on Life?

• Yes, yes and yes

[Slide 12]

C) What do you have to offer in the relationship?

• My collection of ornamental spoons

• D) What are your aims in life, what would you like to achieve, and where would you want to visit?

• I have already achieved my greatest aim, which was to pass my cycling proficiency, a feat attained at the tender age of 11.

There are so many places I'd love to visit; loads more of Europe for starters, and also Africa and Asia. Sorry, that's a bit broad, but it's accurate. I love different cultures and languages and people

[Slide 13]

E) What do you think about fox-hunting? About euthanasia? About world poverty? About pre-marital intercarpalation?
 (You know, of course, what carpals and metacarpals are?)

Fox-hunting

• I can see both sides of the debate with fox hunting, but being a lily-livered city-boy with little vested interest in country life I'd probably fall on the side of the fox.

• About euthanasia:

• Similarly with euthanasia it's a difficult thing to be too dogmatic about, but I'm certainly against it in principal because I believe only God has the right to give or take life away, we are way too flawed to make such decisions.

• About world poverty

• What do I think about world poverty? You’re not big into small talk then? Well I dunno it's a reality of life. I believe in trying to alleviate it but I don't think we'll ever make it history.

[Slide 14]

About pre-marital intercarpalation:

• I've absolutely no objections, as long as gloves are worn. Otherwise there would be the sight and feel of flesh, which as Lady Whiteadder would say 'reminds me too much of fornication!'

• F) Do you share Anna’s well-kept secret interests in scuba diving, philosophy, philately and entomology?

    (The latter being more a passionate obsession!)

• Apart from my collection of insect stamps I picked up whilst in Greece studying at the Parthenon and scuba diving in the Med at weekends, no, not at all.

[Slide 15]

G) What are your most interesting topics of conversation?

• Err…. Um…. I can’t think of anything to talk about, sorry.

• H) Are you interested in nature i.e. the flora and fauna of the countryside? (like Anna’s Auntie Jo).

• No I prefer 'I can't believe it's not butter' personally.

• I) What 'gets on your goat'? (meaning what winds you up /upsets /angers /riles or generally annoys you).

• Answering questionnaires.

•
J) How do you chill out?

• Sometimes by just sitting down and doing nothing for a bit, sometimes by doing things I enjoy like playing football or guitar

[Slide 16]

K) When stuck in a lift - do you:

(1) Jump up on and down shouting “Don’t let panic Mr. Mainwaring!”?

   (2) Engage all in discussing the weather?

   (3) Write a postcard to your mother, saying “Wish you were here”

   (4) Ask the other people in the lift; take a 50-50 vote on survival or phone a friend?

• Tell them the Gospel and ask if anyone would like prayer. Mwwahahahah! No escape!

• L) Finally, have you got “loadsa money”? If not, forget it (only joking).

• OK then, it's been nice knowing you.

[Slide 17]

For extra bonus points, guess why my email address – oxen50@tiscali.co.uk - contains ‘oxen50’?

• I assumed you were offering me a quote on a dowry. J

[Slide 18 oxen]

Here are the promised oxen – Two oxen soon became …

[Slide 19 50 oxen]

Fifty!
[Slide 20]

Anna’s baptism was a major step in her Christian life. As you are aware this is a marriage of two Christian people. They love each other and the Lord. This is where I quote Sir Winston Churchill:

[Slide 21 A & O]

“This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning”.

Anna and Owen – A and O: we love you and wish you every blessing for your – now joint – lives ahead. We don’t hope, as that ‘often signifies wishful thinking, uncertainty or vague optimism.

Biblical hope is quite different. It is founded on the character of God and has the ring of confident expectation.’

‘Hope turns life into a journey. It is not a recurring cycle but a movement forwards into the future which God has in store.’

So I end with these words from Revelation:

• “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.
• He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son (or daughter).”
• (Revelation 21:6 – 7)

[Then final click is the reading from Revelation i.e. 21a.wav]

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